Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Excuses Excuses

I’m back! Sorry that it’s been so long. This time I have an excellent excuse. So, here it is.

Tuesday 22nd of December/ 2015-01-05 – Sunday 27th of December/ 2015-01-05

My cousins came to celebrate Christmas with us. This was a lot of fun, despite the soot that I had to clean off the carpet after Jane went and hid up the chimney. I learnt a new game, Billionaire, and I’ve worked out that I have played it 94 times. Two of my cousins were quite addicted to it, yet they still don’t seem to be able to remember the name.

However, it appeared that my cousins weren’t as innocent as they seemed…

Monday 28th of December/ 2015-01-05 Sunday 3rd of January/ 2016-01-05

I was kidnapped. With just a billum of basic supplies, I was snatched away and put in their car. Strapped to a seat, I was ordered by a two year old to raise and lower my arm when she instructed, lest she begin to scream in frustration. And, while going through that torture, a malicious girl who hid behind a fringe recited to me a series of stories of death, battles, starships, and people falling down big, black holes! This, I had to endure for two and a half hours!

When I refused to break, I was hustled away to be shown my quarters. It appeared that I would be sharing a room with three of my torturers. I began to think that my situation was as bad as it could possibly get, then they arrived. Two small attackers latched upon me, dragging me wherever they desired. And the youngest kept predicting my death, constantly saying “dead Jessie”.

But still more was to come…

Days of being questioned, attacked, drowned and many other trials came to pass. The most memorable occasions will be spoken of now.

Star Wars – Their Force Awakens

Wrapped in a cloak with a hood pulled over my eyes, I was driven to a huge, semicircular, modern day colosseum, to see the battles on a screen. But before we entered to witness the massacre, one of their cohorts came up and photographed us… undoubtedly to send an image to my family, luring one of them to rescue me, so that then they could be captured and used as a lever against me.

Then I was led into the audience to see what would be done to me if I didn’t do as I was ordered. Death, betrayal, loss, murder and heartbreak. Not to mention big, not-so-black, holes.

Blog hijacking

Yes, as you can see, they hijacked my blog. They forced me to type in my password and email then…. they took control of its appearance. A nightmarish event to be sure.

Death sentence – heart attack

 I was whisked away once more, this time to attend a strange celebration of the death of the year 2015. Upon my arrival, I discovered that some of these very people would be staying in the haunted homestead on our property this coming Easter. Many people were there, very few of which I knew. We also performed a ritual that showed whether we were a mafia, a sheriff, a doctor, a suicide bomber, a spy, a baker, or a civilian. We would be told to close our eyes for a time. Not only was everyone out to get me, but during one of the sleeping moments, someone crept up behind me and attempted a real life assassination! I fell to the ground when death screamed in my ear. Laughter was all through the room. Shows how much people will care if I die.

But my revenge upon the two conspirators shall arrive soon. That is not a threat, but a warning.

The rescue… and a war

My parents arrived to rescue me on Saturday eve. But my captors would not surrender easily. A war of soft sponge throwing took place. It was close, but we won. My cousins released me, but not before giving me a terrible illness…

SUNDAY 3RD JANUARY/ 2016-01-05 – Early morning Tuesday 5th of January/ 2016-01-05

Unable to speak.
Unable to eat.
Head pounding.
Body aching.
Throat searing.
Ears screaming.
In time, I healed.

So… does that count as a good excuse? Did I miss any little details?

You probably want a translation. Hmm, I guess you can have one.

My cousins came for Christmas, I spontaneously returned to Tanglewood with them, Ann was amused by my arm raising and lowering, Jane was telling me about episodes 4,5,6 of Star Wars as we were watching 7 soon and I hadn’t really watched them before, we arrived, I was sharing a room with the older girls, the two boys just love to attack me, Ann morbidly likes to call me dead Jessie, we swam a bit and one of the boys had a piggy back in the water… where it was too deep for me to breathe.

I watched Star Wars – The Force Awakens. As we did a wardrobe cos-play, the lady at the movie theater took our photo to put on the movie theater's Facebook page, and in my dark cloak, I looked remarkably (and accidentally!) like a Sith!
They gave my blog a make-over.

Went to a New Years Eve party, played Mafia, had a party blower blown into my ear.

My parents came to pick me up, but we randomly started throwing bits of foamy sponge at each other.

I got sick.

I got better.

See! It doesn’t sound nearly as interesting now!

Well, good bye!

P.S Did you all have a good Christmas?


  1. Hey Jessica, I think your blog posts just got as good as your blog looks. You just made me laugh so much I cried! (which in my point of view make this a very good post)

    1. Sorry for making you cry, but I'm glad that you cried in joy not sorrow!

  2. Though I may still be a 'malicious girl' at least I'm no longer hiding behind my fringe...But you forgot to mention the fact that you attempted to knock out one of your kidnappers several times by whacking their head...

    1. Whacking in head... I don't know what you are talking about!