Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Sneak Peak into a Story


             How has it been so far? This will be a little different. I've got a paragraph from  an book I've been working on with my cousin. What do you think of it? I'm open to criticism, advice, and comments! As long as it's Inspiring!


             I have come to a quaint path, winding through the trees of chartreuse and ochre. The path is a pale crimson due to the fleeting light cast from the setting of the smoke-shrouded sun. The light through the great, canopy of trees, shines, making all that is dull, emerald. Dotted atop of the sea of grass, are beautiful flowers.  Violets, lilacs, all mixed amongst the many shades of amber, scarlet, heliotrope and turquoise. An azure stream, intermingled with navy, babbles past me, disappearing into the eldritch tunnel that I have just emerged from.

From The Path Through the Trees by Jessica Penrose


           So, what do you think? My cousin and I are writing the story from different character's views. This section is mostly me, but she has often Inspired me.

           


           

5 comments:

  1. Beautiful description Jessica. but your POV seemed to switch in the last sentence or at least somethiign sounded not quite right. "I had just emerged from." I think it would flow better as " I have just emerged from".

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  2. Nice to know I'm inspiring, you'd never mentioned that before... :)

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  3. Thank you Clare. I'll try to fix it.
    Jane, I didn't realise that you were reading that!

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    1. Oh well, does it matter? It's the best compliment you've ever given me!

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